NSFW: The Patiently Awaited For "Dickerdoodles"

So, you've all been patient, and I appreciate it. For those of you who didn't get to see their past glory, I've resurrected the infamous cookie. Since the banana, peanut butter ball pops didn't work out as hoped (though tasty) this is my NSFW no fail treat. We also came up with the "GAGA dicks" on the fly, cause I'm awesome like that.

and...

These guys are SO easy to make, you'll be like "I could make pink cookie penises everyday." FACT. Okay, grab a tube of pre-made sugar cookie dough, you know, the kind you buy in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. Split it in half and add your food coloring. I chose pink for the dicks because I had pink sanding sugar to roll them in :) and a green background. I wore gloves while kneading in the coloring, just to make sure it didn't dye my hands. Try to keep the dough cool, if it gets too warm, it goes from pliable to melting. If it gets melty, throw it in the fridge for a few minutes and then try again.

Step 1: Grease a cookie sheet. Make a hockey puck shape about an inch and a half in diameter out of your background color. Then roll a link of your dick color, as illustrated. I liked to curve the shaft to add to the cartoonish aspect of the cookies.

Step 2: Add the first ball. Make sure that it overlaps one side of the bottom of the shaft.

Step 3: Add the second ball. Make sure it overlaps the other side of the bottom of the shaft and part of the first ball.

Step 4: Roll a small link piece and bend it over the top of the shaft. I made the penises circumcised because it gives it better definition. 

Alternate Step: Roll each piece in sanding sugar before applying to the background.

For "GAGA dicks": Repeat all the steps, without background, and roll in sanding sugar. Since this has no background, we made them really big, about two and a half to three inches. Keep the shaft of the cookie skinny, because they bow in the middle when they bake. If you make them thick, you end up with "chud" penis. Not cute. Unless you're into that...

Step 5: Bake according to directions. With sugar cookies, you want them to be light brown along the edges, but not browned all over. Let them cool a minute on the cookies sheet, then transfer to a cooling rack to finish.